New Hunter-Gatherer Tribe Discovered

elbonia

Elbonia: Upper Western Region

In an Isolated Region of Elbonia, First Contact With an Heretofore Unknown Hunter-Gatherer Tribe

From Nature-Anthropology, a team led by noted anthropologist Livesey Stanington has reported first contact with a tribe which calls themselves the “Makadanahs.”

vegan-predator

NY Times Bestseller

The contact was peaceful, and attempts at sharing meals were undertaken. However the hunter-gatherers turned up their noses at the scientist’s fare, which consisted mainly of organic vegetables, Stanington himself being a noted vegan, author of the best selling book The Vegan Predator..

“Apparently,” stated Dr. Stanington, “the staple of the Makadanahs is a dish with cooked ground animal flesh of unknown provenance. It is layered with a local wild grain which is ground and baked. They call this a Bhkamka. It is usually accompanied with an abundant local tuber, which is sliced and cooked as well, which they term ‘Phranjvrahs.’”

ratburger copy

Though a filling meal, Dr Stanington’s team found it lacking in the numerous essential nutrients usually found in hunter-gatherer diets. In spite of this, the Makadanahs appear to thrive.

Dr. Stanington continued, “I have had contact with over 100 extant hunter-gatherer tribes, and this is the first that has shown no interest in their unusually abundant local forest product.’

stanington

Dr. Stanington, in fact, led the tribe on a local foraging expedition, and was able to find assorted grubs, insects, leafy edible plants, and the like, but the hunter-gatherers seem to consider all this fare taboo, continually chanting “Yoogda bkdng” and “Dzgai znutz,” phrases seeming used to ward off evil spirits. Apparently the tribe has an almost religious devotion to their Bhkamka.

The Makadanahs are largely peaceful with a sole exception: a neighboring tribe called the “Brurkaskinks.” They share the same diet, which may be the source of the fierce conflict, but have a different language, which exacerbates conflict resolution. The Brurkaskinks refer to the staple meal as Woaffuh, though it differs little from the Bhkamka.

Dr Stanington estimates that the two tribes have been isolated for over 50,000 years, which has given them enough time to adapt to their very strange and seemingly unhealthy diet.

 

 

  3 comments for “New Hunter-Gatherer Tribe Discovered

  1. Jim
    April 1, 2016 at 5:51 am

    Is this an April Fools?? Because, if so, you got me.

Leave a Reply to Jim Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *